The ____ometer Standards Board · Est. lockdown 2020
Everyone gets a reading.
Nine official levels, from Funny ____ to off the chart. If you know, you know. If you don’t, someone you know definitely does.
Printed in the UK when you order. UK delivery £4.
The clean range
Redacted for your protection.
Tees, hoodies and mugs with the word blacked out. Safe for work. Mostly.
Christmas 2026
Seasonal readings.
Put their name off the chart. Everything is printed to order, so don’t leave it late.
PersonalisedPersonalised Santa Sack
£20
PersonalisedPersonalised Christmas Card – You Proper ____
£4
Heat revealFill to Find Out – ____ometer Heat-Reveal Mug
£17
The bauble, the Head Chef apron and the Christmas jumper only come unredacted. See them, if you’ve been warned.
Free, for an email
Get someone officially assessed.
Two free tools from the Standards Board. Join the mailing list and send the results to whoever deserves them.
Restricted
There is an unredacted version.
The original gauge, with nothing blacked out. Same nine levels, considerably fewer underscores. Over 18s only. You’ll be asked to confirm you’ve been warned.
About the Board
Regulating since lockdown 2020.
The ____ometer Standards Board was formed in 2020, when a group of friends had a lot of time on their hands and strong opinions about each other. The scale has nine levels. It has never been revised and never will be.
Every POKs product carries the official gauge. We don’t make the readings. We just print them.